ChristMas

This season of giving hasn't been really jolly and joyful.

The once anticipated trip has now mean nothing much but a tiring 8 hours train ride to and back. I miss my grandparents...

I went window shopping today. There were shops filled with shimmering decorations and crowding people, all happily in search of the best gift for their loved ones. Meeting up with ex-classmates cheered me up a little but still something was weighing on my mind all the while we laughed and chatted. As soon as I felt a wee bit better and relieved, I was welcomed with an unexpectable surprise as I reached home. Half an hour or so of lecture and questioning session..

I know what they did was solely out of the best intention for me, but being too protected I feel that I have not the control over my own life, as though being chained to the wall and put behind bars although provided with the best food. I am thankful for having such wonderful family who cared, yet can't help feeling the emptiness inside. The voices I hear have made me lose all sense of directions, giving me a mixture of feelings as though the rainbow had swirled in the sky of clouds.

I'm miserable. I hope I can be strong. To prove to them that this someone special I've met has brought me joy and happiness.