19 March 2008, Cloudy

It has been a miserable day to begin with. Perhaps I should lay off the late hour study and turn in early. Ended up with a crappy brain and a split headache at 5am in the morning. For some reason, I was anticipating that he might wake up sooner or later and so I left the laptop on and waited, involuntarily checking for his message every now and then. Doubt that I actually slept but was somehow relieved when I finally saw his reply. Yet it was already time for him to leave for work, so I urged him to get ready and didn’t trouble him for too long. *sobs* Guess I really wanted to talk to him back then.

And so I struggled to sleep with the splitting headache before it was finally time for lecture. Lecture turned out pleasant at first with Shaun’s usual cheery tone and scribbly doodles of Drosophilia and mouse until the part with the promoters being superlatively confusing.

“Type III Class I and II are classical promoters. Type III Class III promoter is a non-typical Class III but equivalent to Class II……Type II…Type III…Class I..Class II….*&^%$#@!”

Seriously, I lost track! Think my headache worsened, or maybe my brain just went haywire and short-circuited. On top of that, there have been different viewpoints on one’s peculiar behavior. As a matter of fact, it’s as though I don’t really know that someone anymore. After all this while .. Having decided to get the nightmare over with, I did the microbiology quiz. Phew! Glad that was over, though I had to search frantically for the answers.

The next thing I did was crawling into bed and unwind from the consecutive restless nights. Had weary eyes yet couldn’t sleep. Efforts of tucking my pillows didn’t help neither did tossing and turning. Holding back the tears certainly was to no avail as they came pouring in. It’s astounding how abruptly my emotions plummeted these days. The slightest familiar thought and/or object is capable of inducing uttermost despair.

Shaking under the blanket, ironically not because of the cold but due to the helplessness suffocating within. I desperately wanted someone to be beside me. Any gesture to give me warmth and confidence that I have depleted of - a hug or maybe a firm grip. Sadly, I reached out my hand and grasped nothing. As I shut my eyes, I hoped that somehow I magically appear in my own bedroom. Of course that’s quite impossible.

Perhaps as what you say, I need to give my mum a ring and see how she’s doing. Inevitably, her voice could cheer me up a bit, but her anxiety and stress would worry me more. Chatting with friends might do the trick, yet there is no one I could really confide to available at that time. I know I am making a fuss over trifles but do pardon me for doing so. Mum has been right about me being the frail-hearted one.

The afternoon and evening I spent were occupied with more tear-shedding moments, even in the showers. Had the feeling somehow he’s going to be late from work today and truly so. Anyway, bet he’s got loads to tell me and I’ll be at all ears. Won’t be a miserable day after all.. I guess