Wednesday, May 28, 2008

A Good Start !


I didn't have much of a peaceful sleep this morning due to the intense abdominal pain. I was practically playing a larva/pupa all curled up in its cocoon.. except I won't be maturing into a butterfly. (BB: Into a PIG! ^(oo)^ Oink!) The pain hasn't gone away still..


An email came in from MinJie mentioning that the grades for the Animal Physiology essay was up on Blackboard. Without haste, I clicked into the site to check. *Fingers-crossed*


Well, how do I fare? Take a peep.


Ta-daa~!!!!!!!!!


BB... Did I make you proud?





Tuesday, May 20, 2008

The Worst Nightmare EVER!


Of all the nightmares I had in Newbie - other than those bizarre ones of terrorists, this nightmare that I had this morning has to be Top 1 on the most daunting list! Although not to the extent of waking up in cold sweats, I trembled with fear and teared throughout the night.


It went like this:


The other girls and I were having a relaxing time and for some reason we ended up staying overnight at a secluded area. From the japanese bath robes that we were wearing, I presume that we had just came out from the hot spring and heading towards the hall for a scrumptious dinner. By scrumptious, I mean really mouth-watering just looking through the menu and don't know whichever to decide on. After prolonged indecision, I placed my order and plan to join the others in their chit-chat. That was when the climax of the dream began.


Out of a sudden, everything turned pitch black as though the lights went off due to electricity shortage. But something was seriously amiss! There's no usual commotion from the crowd that were already eating there. A dead silence overwhelmed as though we're in a vacuum space. I tried to call out to the girls sitting at the same table as I was, but no reply was rendered. I groped in utter darkness trying to feel the person sitting next to me. I was so relieved at the touch of her skin and so I wriggled her limb a little (Couldn't make out whether hand or leg). Shockingly, her limb fell back as if it was an immobile limb of a dead corpse and I can't feel any temperature from it either.


The next thing I know, someone (or something) had laid its weight on me, rendering me completely still no matter how hard I struggled. There, in the darkness, I could make out some movements and the outline of a figure crawling towards me...Nearer and nearer it got, slowly picking up speed till finally it reached the table that I was sitting. This happened so fast that the next thing which ensued at that instant was having glimpsed its bloodshot eyes and sharp fangs sinking into my flesh, devouring me alive.


I SCREAMED...............................!!!!!


***********************************************************************************************


I woke up with a fright, with my comforter tugging around me and the only light source from my laptop screen and the toilet light. I shuddered at the thought that if everything were to be in absolute pitch black and that I'd be trap in this nightmare for even a second longer.


I terribly wished that I could skype boy boy to tell him. However since we talked on the phone till late at night, I don't want him to get restless sleep. Not from me. Besides, I won't want to worry him more than he already is. I typed him a message but no matter how much I wish for him to comfort me, I still am reluctant to send it. So, I deleted the message.


I still felt the fear of being helplessly fiddling inside as I recount this now.. Any single sound or movement sets me alarmed and shocked.


S-O-S!... Help....! Anyone...


*sobs*

S-T-O-P ! !


Lately, I've been having endless rounds of inner self struggle; so I've decided to pour out all my thoughts and temporarily lay them here till I completed my finals. Frankly, it's a difficult post to even begin with...


I'm truly happy that we had the conversation yesterday night that I finally get to know what you've been worrying, you're thinking, and your plans for the future. Of course, it's natural that no one can easily accept the special situation of yours. I, too, dream of a fairy tale like everyone else - having a simple normal happy life with the someone that I love till the end of time.. Living life without having to worry about tomorrow. Although dreams can often be too good to be true, I truly meant what I've said to you. However some things are easier said than done, which is why I have doubts whether I can be able to handle having a life with you. Most importantly, if someone were to ask me, "Can you accept it?".. "Am I willing to face problems encountered in the future? ".. I have not the determination to utter a definite answer, which proves that I am still hesitant. I don't want the worst case to happen, that I promise to be with you out of sympathy more than love. The other troubling thought would be...Will we be able to cope with our own family situation and bear responsibilities being the eldest? Can we even manage to start our own family in the future?


I'd truly wish to share all these thoughts with you. But everytime I tried, they end up all hidden inside. I know the thing you want most is for us to be truthful to each other. Maybe I'm used to keeping thoughts to myself. Maybe I don't want to increase your burden when there's already an intense one weighing on your shoulders.


All right, they're all out! BE GONE for a while!


Back to my studies!