S-T-O-P ! !

Lately, I've been having endless rounds of inner self struggle; so I've decided to pour out all my thoughts and temporarily lay them here till I completed my finals. Frankly, it's a difficult post to even begin with...

I'm truly happy that we had the conversation yesterday night that I finally get to know what you've been worrying, you're thinking, and your plans for the future. Of course, it's natural that no one can easily accept the special situation of yours. I, too, dream of a fairy tale like everyone else - having a simple normal happy life with the someone that I love till the end of time.. Living life without having to worry about tomorrow. Although dreams can often be too good to be true, I truly meant what I've said to you. However some things are easier said than done, which is why I have doubts whether I can be able to handle having a life with you. Most importantly, if someone were to ask me, "Can you accept it?".. "Am I willing to face problems encountered in the future? ".. I have not the determination to utter a definite answer, which proves that I am still hesitant. I don't want the worst case to happen, that I promise to be with you out of sympathy more than love. The other troubling thought would be...Will we be able to cope with our own family situation and bear responsibilities being the eldest? Can we even manage to start our own family in the future?

I'd truly wish to share all these thoughts with you. But everytime I tried, they end up all hidden inside. I know the thing you want most is for us to be truthful to each other. Maybe I'm used to keeping thoughts to myself. Maybe I don't want to increase your burden when there's already an intense one weighing on your shoulders.

All right, they're all out! BE GONE for a while!

Back to my studies!